Responsive vs. Spontaneous desire

Responsive desire vs. Spontaneous desire

Responsive vs. Spontaneous desire

When you think of “desire” what is the first thing you envision? Take a moment to reflect on the sexually tension riddled cultural messaging we’ve received from movies, music, art, and yes, even those steamy fanfiction reads. They all have something in common when it comes to getting in the mood – it happens instantly and passionately. And yeah, it does happen that way sometimes, when we are so sexually charged that lust overrides then it’s wham and bam, but there are many of us who need a little more stoking of that fire called desire. Generally, sexual desire has been approached in absolute terms: it's either there or it's not, it’s either high or it’s low. This approach to sexual desire can seem straightforward, but it misses the whole picture.


In fact, sexual desire can be spontaneous, responsive, or a mix of the two. It also fluctuates and changes through these different types over time and in different contexts. Your age, physical health, mental health, and stress levels can all impact how you experience sexual desire. Learning more about it now can help you live the sex life of your dreams when (not if) your sexual desire changes in the future!


Spontaneous Desire

Spontaneous desire is a spark  — or eruption — of interest in sex that seems to come out of thin air. We can understand it as a readiness to engage in sex in any context, without needing much stimulation. It’s when the mental interest in sex arises before there’s any external stimulus for it. For instance, simply seeing your clothed partner as you go about your day and wanting to have sex with them is spontaneous desire. Many people do experience this type of desire at some point in their lives, particularly at the beginning of a relationship.


This kind of desire is usually portrayed in the media. Think back to the last movie or television show you watched with a sex scene. Chances are that it involved two people suddenly exploding with lust and having sex almost immediately. Media portrays sexual desire just like this – spontaneous, always on the boil and good to go. However, it's a bit more complicated than that in real life.


feeling
I feel initial arousal
I initiate sex with my partner
we touch and my body gets more aroused

Responsive Sexual Desire

On the other hand, responsive sexual desire is the growing interest in sex that occurs in reaction to sexual stimuli. Often, responsive desire is sparked by touch, physical closeness, or sexual contact. It’s when mental interest in sex comes after external stimulus. Your own awareness of responsive desire can impact your sex life in positive ways. This knowledge helps to remind you that sometimes, you might be mentally neutral about having sex, and it's still worth inviting your partner to engage sexually with you anyway. What is it like to leave room for the possibility of sex? What is it like to, for example, sext or share a little dirty talk before worrying about whether you want to follow through? By giving yourself the opportunity to respond to sexual stimuli, you can open yourself up to more frequent sexual experiences.If you previously experienced more spontaneous desire, a shift experiencing more responsive desire can sometimes feel like something is wrong. Yet shifts in sexual desire are completely normal. They don’t mean that something is wrong with you, with your partner, or with your relationship.


I want to connect
I show up to our Intentional Intimacy time
We touch in the ways I need and for enough time for my body to get aroused
The desire in my mind emerges and awakens

Gender and Desire

Research does note that men and women are both capable of feeling spontaneous and responsive desire, men skew more stable in their ability to feel spontaneous desire, while women fluctuate in this sphere. Biological elements like pregnancy, ovulation, or being postpartum can all impact the ability to have a knee-jerk spontaneous desire for sex. It may also be a result of a long-term relationship, given that women may see a sex-drive stall in committed partnerships, feeling less arousal and in some cases, satisfaction.


Socialized elements may also explain the divide, one being the gender norm of men typically being the pursuers. And even if you are a woman who has a high libido and a natural-leaning sense of spontaneous desire, cultural norms may still shape how you act upon it, which in turn may shape your perception of it. Spontaneous desire has long been deemed as “male” and responsive desire as “female.” But as with most labels, we now know it’s much more nuanced and complex than that. The reality is that both types of desire are healthy and normal for men and women, and both can lead to a fulfilling sex life. The key to navigating differences in sex drives is to understand your own experience of desire, and to communicate that with your partner.


How to Fuel Your Responsive Desire

Responsive desire is more about creating the space for the want to be close and physically intimate to occur rather than expecting the desire for sex to smack you over the head. One way to think of the difference is that spontaneous desire is more like a gas fireplace and you can flip the switch at any time to get the flame going strong. Responsive desire is more like a wood fireplace that takes time to set up and to fuel the flame.

You need to take similar steps to activate your desire as you do while attending the gym. Plan your intentional intimacy time and do what you need to do to help with your openness to be there and to connect. Making sure you feel connected to your partner throughout the day using love languages is also important to creating a willingness to connect. Once you set the time aside and prepare for that time, then you both can pick what pleasure pie piece(s) you want to enjoy knowing that intimacy doesn’t have to look a certain way because that adds pressure and pressure moves you away from the openness to connect. Once you get moving and grooving then you have created the space for your desire to grow in your mind. And this doesn’t mean one or five minutes. Women’s desire takes time at least 15-30 minutes before arousal and desire really climbs.

And guess what, if you have done everything you can to show up to intimacy with as much openness to connect as you can and you are still not open for your intentional intimacy time, or you start getting the touches that could help but your mind just isn’t on board, you can totally raincheck for a different time or activity. Just like the gym, you may have done everything you can to show up and it’s just not going to happen, or you show up and after 15 minutes your mind just isn’t hopping on board. That’s OK! You are not obligated to continue.

Once you attend to the elements needed to fuel the flame of your responsive desire, what tends to happen over time is there is more space for spontaneous desire to occur. Again like the gym, to start you may need to get into the routine but then once you're going and see the benefits your spontaneous desire starts to emerge more.

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6 comments

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across byquanna.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

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You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

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Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://boostleadgeneration.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=byquanna.com

Eric Jones

Cool website!

My name’s Eric, and I just found your site – byquanna.com – while surfing the net. You showed up at the top of the search results, so I checked you out. Looks like what you’re doing is pretty cool.

But if you don’t mind me asking – after someone like me stumbles across byquanna.com, what usually happens?

Is your site generating leads for your business?

I’m guessing some, but I also bet you’d like more… studies show that 7 out 10 who land on a site wind up leaving without a trace.

Not good.

Here’s a thought – what if there was an easy way for every visitor to “raise their hand” to get a phone call from you INSTANTLY… the second they hit your site and said, “call me now.”

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know IMMEDIATELY – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

Time is money when it comes to connecting with leads – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes later can be huge – like 100 times better!

That’s why we built out our new SMS Text With Lead feature… because once you’ve captured the visitor’s phone number, you can automatically start a text message (SMS) conversation.

Think about the possibilities – even if you don’t close a deal then and there, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!
Eric

PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://boostleadgeneration.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=byquanna.com

Eric Jones

Cool website!

My name’s Eric, and I just found your site – byquanna.com – while surfing the net. You showed up at the top of the search results, so I checked you out. Looks like what you’re doing is pretty cool.

But if you don’t mind me asking – after someone like me stumbles across byquanna.com, what usually happens?

Is your site generating leads for your business?

I’m guessing some, but I also bet you’d like more… studies show that 7 out 10 who land on a site wind up leaving without a trace.

Not good.

Here’s a thought – what if there was an easy way for every visitor to “raise their hand” to get a phone call from you INSTANTLY… the second they hit your site and said, “call me now.”

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know IMMEDIATELY – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

Time is money when it comes to connecting with leads – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes later can be huge – like 100 times better!

That’s why we built out our new SMS Text With Lead feature… because once you’ve captured the visitor’s phone number, you can automatically start a text message (SMS) conversation.

Think about the possibilities – even if you don’t close a deal then and there, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!
Eric

PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://boostleadgeneration.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://boostleadgeneration.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=byquanna.com

Eric Jones

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across byquanna.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you the moment they let you know they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

That way, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://boostleadgeneration.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=byquanna.com

Eric Jones

Hi, Eric here with a quick thought about your website byquanna.com…

I’m on the internet a lot and I look at a lot of business websites.

Like yours, many of them have great content.

But all too often, they come up short when it comes to engaging and connecting with anyone who visits.

I get it – it’s hard. Studies show 7 out of 10 people who land on a site, abandon it in moments without leaving even a trace. You got the eyeball, but nothing else.

Here’s a solution for you…

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. You’ll know immediately they’re interested and you can call them directly to talk with them literally while they’re still on the web looking at your site.

CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

It could be huge for your business – and because you’ve got that phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation – immediately… and contacting someone in that 5 minute window is 100 times more powerful than reaching out 30 minutes or more later.

Plus, with text messaging you can follow up later with new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to keep the conversation going.

Everything I’ve just described is extremely simple to implement, cost-effective, and profitable.

CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more eyeballs into leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://boostleadgeneration.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://boostleadgeneration.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=byquanna.com

Eric Jones

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